The Rewired for Good podcast | Episode 20 | 17 October 2026
Notes
In this fifth and final episode of the Rewrite Your Self-Concept Note series, we go inside the Aid Worker Identity Store to update your self-concept note.
In this episode, you’ll explore:
4 ways your brain might be limiting what you believe is accessible to you.
A practical and fun way to explore possibilities without immediately talking yourself out of them.
How to create your new self-concept note and deliberately chosen identity.
This is an invitation to give yourself an hour or two to wander around and look at options from a brand new perspective. No decisions required: give yourself permission to find out what you want. No one needs to see your list. Just notice what attracts you — and what becomes possible when you stop treating your current identity as a definitive draft.
And if you want support turning that exploration into meaningful change, you can book a free consultation.
>> Listen to previous episodes of the "Rewriting your self-concept note" series:
- Episode 16: Identity in Rubble (1/5)
- Episode 17: Map out your current identity (2/5)
- Episode 18: Identity paradigm shifts (3/5)
- Episode 19: What to do with other people’s opinions (4/5)
Transcript
She called me in tears at 2am. We're in the middle of a war zone. And she said, "I can't sleep. Come over. I don't know what I'm going to do". So I rushed to her room.
At the time she was in her mid twenties, this is her first posting. And suddenly she's been thrown into managing her organization's portfolio because her team leader was away. And just like that, she was responsible for running the show. Except she didn't see herself as someone capable of running the show.
And you know, this wasn't exactly a low pressure context. We're in the middle of a major humanitarian emergency with enormous needs, mass displacement, almost daily. So she was panicking. She's curled up in her bed, sobbing. She didn't want to go to work the next morning. She was convinced she just couldn't do it.
Many of us know that feeling when the imposter identity kicks in, it can feel like you're finally going to be found out. And everyone is finally going to see that you've been winging it this whole time, that you actually have no idea what you're doing. So you want to run. You want to run fast.
I helped her calm down, breathing exercises, all that stuff. And then I just asked a question. What do you think makes someone a team leader? I told her, in my book, a team leader isn't someone who has all the answers, especially in the aid sector. Like how could we, right? We work in complex, unpredictable situations. No one has all the information they need.
And I said, "what if a team leader is just someone who has decided that they can figure things out when the time comes? It's trusting that your intellect, your experience, sensitivity, your ability to absorb and process information will add up sufficiently for you to choose a general direction and take it forward one micro decision at a time. Ask this question, send this email, plan this meeting, review this document".
And so over the following hour, I watched her begin to consider a possibility she thought was completely out of her reach. It wasn't certainty, of course, but just possibility in real time that maybe she could step into a bigger role and be someone who lifts and pulls more weight. She just tried on this new self concept, like we would try a new suit. So what if you could do the same across most areas of your life? That's what we're exploring in this episode.
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Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to another episode of the Rewired For Good podcast. Thank you for being here. If we don't know each other, my name is Yasmina or Yas.
I've been an aid worker for over 12 years and I'm a certified coach. I work exclusively with aid workers one-on-one.
And before we jump in, I want to tell you if what you hear in these episodes has been valuable to you and you're curious about how you can take it to the next level, you can book a free consult. We can discuss the ways in which you feel stuck or lost. If there's stuff that keeps pulling you down into the same cycles over and over again, if there's something you want to achieve, but you haven't been able to make it happen yet, a more balanced life, working out more often, a career shift, a life with less drama, with more love, without endless cycles of burnout, I can help you.
In the aid sector, we have lives with constantly changing routines, time zones. Our loved ones can often be far away. We're living out of a suitcase so often. We face insane workloads, grief grenades that keep taking us out of the game. And sometimes we have to face very real security threats. So let's just say that traditional wellbeing advice isn't always actionable for us.
And that's why I created the Rewired For Good method, which works no matter where you're based, even in very intense duty stations. So if you're curious and you're struggling with something, you can go to rewiredforgood.com, or go to the show notes. The link will be there.
And you know, I want to encourage you to not wait. If you're not feeling great, don't wait. Book a free consult. It's super simple. There's nothing to lose.
All right, let's dive right in.
This is the fifth and final episode of the Rewrite Yourself Concept Note series.
The idea for this series came out of countless consultations and coaching sessions with aid workers who told me that they feel lost, that they feel stuck. And over the past two or three years, I've honestly seen it get so much harder. Between the funding nightmares, the restructuring, restructuring after restructuring, AI adding another layer of complexity to the sector's crisis of relevance, attacks on humanitarian principles, on aid workers themselves, administrative impediments, constant violations of international humanitarian law, I can see that the mood has gotten heavier and less hopeful. And to be honest, anyone who isn't going through an identity crisis at times would be a bit of a superhuman in my book, given the circumstances.
So many aid workers are asking, what's the point? Who am I supposed to be in all this? What's my role? And I want to help you answer those questions. Looking at the entire person behind the aid worker, not just your career or your role, but really approaching things in a holistic way for you.
In the previous episodes, if you've been following along:
- We've explored why this identity self-concept reflection matters.
- We've mapped out your current beliefs about yourself.
- We've looked at four paradigm shifts to start experimenting a little bit with our self-concept.
- And we've explored the role of other people's opinions in all of this.
I hope all of that was very helpful.
Today, I want to help you wrap all that up. I want to help you write that updated self-concept note. And I want to invite you to think about it like you would with any project in the aid sector, right? When you decide to write a concept note for a project, you decide what you want to create, what the best parameters for it would be, what kind of effort, where it's going to be, what investment it will require, and all of those very technical things.
So what if you approached your own self-concept in a similar way? Like if it could be true that you could decide who you want to be, what would you choose? What would you put on paper like you would with a project that you get to shape from scratch? Where does your mind go when we ask that question?
I've been thinking about this a lot myself and reflecting a lot this year especially because so much has changed in my life in the past 12 years. I've lived in four continents. I've become a mom. I've fallen in love with so many different cultures and places and teams. I've worked for so many different organizations and contexts and I have grieved a lot and I have grown a lot. I've accomplished things that I thought were so hard and honestly, I had given up on them, but somehow they happened anyway.
And it got me to realize with myself and with the thousands of hours of coaching that I now have under my belt, specifically with aid workers one-on-one, I have come across several things that stand in the way of people deliberately choosing their self-concept. They're like four identity blockers that our brains tend to enjoy imposing on us. And I'd say there's four in particular that stand out.
But before I get into that, I want to state something critical about this entire inner work I'm offering you.
The work I do in my one-on-one sessions, what I offer in this podcast and in particular with this self-concept series is an invitation to imagine possibilities for yourself and your life as an essential step to living more deliberately.
I don't want it to come through as though I'm oblivious to the fact that this invitation implies a key privilege, the freedom to make choices.
That freedom is far from equally accessible to all aid workers. Money, mobility, safety, time, passports. These are all very real walls. Some of us can't afford to leave a job, move across borders or take a break when we need to.
Many aid workers cannot.
And for many aid workers who work in their own countries for their own people, the line between being an aid worker and being a crisis survivor is very thin or may not exist at all. You may be listening to this with your own life hanging in the balance.
I want to acknowledge that no amount of inner work can make those circumstances disappear. And I would never want this exercise to be misunderstood that way. When you're trying to survive, get through the day, care for someone you love, this exercise isn't about pretending you have choices that you do not have. It's an invitation to explore fully and powerfully whatever possibilities are available to you. However small or distant they might feel right now. Maybe it means reconnecting with something you already know about yourself and finding power there. Maybe it means deciding that right now is not the time to make any changes at all.
If you are an aid worker in this situation, I stand with you. No one is suggesting you turn your circumstances into a growth opportunity.
My offer is simply that, wherever you are, whatever you're facing, this work can offer you a little space to consider who you are beyond the circumstances you're living through without losing sight of the very real forces shaping your life against your will.
Personal agency matters.
And it will never be the same as having complete privilege and freedom.
And the collective struggle for the freedom of all people remains a critical priority, if not the critical priority of our generation.
But your personal agency matters.
Now, back to the four mindset identity blockers that I was telling you about.
The first barrier I've noticed is not knowing, not knowing what you want to be. Sometimes we simply haven't stopped to ask ourselves what kind of person we would want to be, what roles, what relationships, what skills or lifestyles we would like to choose. And importantly, can we answer that question without being overly influenced by what our family, our colleagues, our organizations, our society expects of us? Not what we think we should want, but what do we actually want? So that's the first barrier, I would say, in defining yourself. It's not knowing.
The second one is not seeing the wide range of options that are actually in front of us. Our scope of thinking can be extremely constrained. Like if I ask you how many possibilities you see for yourself in any given area, whether it's your love life, your sports, your hobbies, your career path, you'll maybe name five or 10 possibilities, but really there's thousands of possibilities and combinations, right? It's very similar if I ask you to name colors or if I ask you to name flowers, you can only name a handful when really, really there are thousands. Our brain really struggles to grasp the full scope of options at once. And of course, constraint is a really fantastic thing for quick decision making and to avoid us getting overwhelmed. But sometimes it's also a pretty massive limitation that makes us miss out on other things just because our mind couldn't go there.
And it's really funny because as I was preparing this episode, I realized this particular barrier really applies in my case. You know, before I was an aid worker, I was a journalist and it's because I couldn't think of anything else when I was a teenager, really. I was good at writing. I'm good at connecting with people. I wanted to do something meaningful. But I come from a very blue collar family and I didn't know any aid workers. It just wasn't on my radar. So I became a journalist because what else? It's what I knew. And the idea of becoming an aid worker, which has been really my truest, deepest calling in addition to life coaching, didn't really enter my consciousness until much later when I was 24 and starting to join the UN as a communications person. So this inability to see the wide range of options is a huge barrier in our free self-concept definition.
The third barrier that I see is not believing. Sometimes we know what we want, but we don't believe we can become that person. We'll say things like, well, I'm just terrible in interviews. That's just who I am. Someone actually DM'd me that just this morning. Or I'm too shy, or I'm just not a leader. I'm just not, I'm not good at leading. And we'll easily turn an experience, a habit or a skill that we haven't developed into a permanent statement about who we are. And we tend to think we're unchangeable. So think about it. Is there something you'd love to change about you, but you're convinced that there's no way it can happen? I'm certainly guilty of that.
The fourth big barrier that I see is not wanting to do the work. Sometimes we know what we want, we have considered options widely, and we even believe it's possible. But we just don't want to experience the discomfort that is involved in doing the work to change, right? We all have identities that we cling to because they're familiar, because they're security blankets, and because we're afraid of the repercussions if we were to change. Some examples that I see frequently through my coaching practice are that maybe you want to be more assertive, but you don't want to risk disappointing people, or maybe you want to become a team leader, but you're afraid of being exposed as a joke, as a poser. Or maybe you want to change careers, but you don't want to deal with the uncertainty and the free falling feeling that comes from that. All of this is of course, completely human. We've talked about this when I mentioned the motivational triad in an earlier episode. The survivor primitive part of your brain has a very, very strong preference for avoiding pain and effort. Like if it has a choice, it's systematically going to choose avoiding pain and avoiding effort.
So it's totally normal that we wouldn't be naturally driven to go do some work to intentionally step into an identity if it feels like it's going to be a lot of pain and a lot of effort. But of course, you know this, too often the self concept that feels the safest is also the one that's keeping you stuck. So of these four barriers, not knowing, not seeing, not believing, and not wanting, which one do you believe is the one standing the most in the way of who you want to be? You can pause the episode, I'll wait.
So the tool that I'm offering today is to help you start lifting a little bit these four barriers so you can reach a point where you can know, see, believe, and want decisively new possibilities for yourself.
And listen, one very important caveat before we dive into the process itself. I want to make it very clear that I am in no way, no place, no time, no way advocating for perpetual change for the sake of change. Evolution is great. I'm a humongous fan of growth, but if something is working for you, by all means, keep it and build on it. What I do want to encourage unequivocally is that you find a way to love yourself as much as possible. If you feel directionless, if you feel that with the circumstances that you face, you haven't explored all your potential, maybe we can take that little voice inside of you seriously, and we can ask ourselves powerful questions to help unlock something useful.
So the process I want to offer you here is so simple. I want you to imagine that there is this Aid Worker Identity Store, specially designed for aid workers and our incredibly wide and complex lives. It's a big building. Inside, you'll find every possible version of yourself that you might want to explore.
As you enter, you're carrying a bag and inside that bag is everything that you currently believe about yourself. The labels you picked up in childhood, the roles you played in your family, your cultural conditioning, your achievements and disappointments, your experiences and your scars. Maybe you believe you're a badass, a perfectionist, a people pleaser, or a great coordinator. Maybe you're convinced you're a terrible public speaker, an awkward person, a weak leader, or someone who always puts work first. Some of those beliefs about you serve you and others don't. And here's the beauty of this place. You're walking in with all of that, but you get to decide what stays and what goes.
Right by the entrance, there's a Returns Desk. You can walk up and say, "hi, I'd like to return this. I bought it a long time ago and it doesn't fit me anymore. It was an impulse buy". Maybe you want to return the identity of someone who never speaks up in meetings. Maybe you're done being the person who puts everyone else's needs ahead of yours. Maybe you're tired of thinking you're not athletic, not creative, or not capable of leading. Now, you don't have to hate yourself for having these identities. They probably developed for perfectly understandable reasons. But you get to ask yourself today, right now, in front of this returns desk, whether you still want to carry them.
So take a moment. What are you tired of believing about yourself? And remember, you're not obliged to find something to return. If you're happy with your current self-concept, that's fine too. But if something comes to mind, this is where you begin. We get rid of the weight.
Then you get to browse through every floor and every section of the store.
And there's only one rule. Don't limit yourself to what you think is realistic or easy or impressive or expected of you. Forget any sunk cost thinking, feeling or analysis.
You can pick up whatever you want, hold it, observe it, notice how it feels. What do you want now? What would you want 10 years from now? How would you write your self-concept note if you were starting with a blank page? Exactly as you would do with the concept note of a humanitarian or a development project. Except in this case, you don't have to justify your choices. You don't have to tell anyone. It can be a secret, a secret between you and yourself. And you don't have to commit to becoming any of these things. You're simply exploring. And there are just three floors in this store, so it's very, very manageable.
On the ground floor, you start with what you care about, what motivates you. You can call that your Purpose and Values, if those words don't scare you. But if they do, just think of what truly gets you out of bed in the morning. What gets you going? What do you want your life to be about? And I'm talking specifically in this season of your existence. I really want to insist on this. There's no permanence needed in this exercise if you cannot think long term. We're just exploring what foundations and what directions you are naturally attracted to. Here are some questions to help you out. What do you want to contribute to this world and the people or the causes that you care about? What do you want to create or be a part of? Maybe it's working directly with vulnerable communities. Maybe it's connection, community, innovation, sustainability, family, human rights, art. And of course, you can pick more than one purpose. I have at least four that get me up in the morning. Helping aid workers find alignment is definitely one of them. And you can select as many values as you want as well. This is your self-concept note. It's for you.
Then you get to go up one floor. And this is where you find the Lifestyle department. This is kind of the frame or the container that supports your purpose and your values. What kind of life do you want to live? What kind of position do you hold? Are you managing a large team? Are you a salaried employee? Are you working as an independent consultant? Are you building an organization from scratch or taking a break from the sector to become an organic farmer? Where do you live? In a city? In the countryside? In a house? In an apartment? Are you surrounded by animals or plants? What do your relationships look like? What adventures do you go on? How do you spend your time outside work? What do you consume for your body and for your intellect and for your soul? What do you do for fun? How do you rest and relax? What do you spend your money on? Take your time looking around. Choose a life that serves you and what you care about, your purpose and your values. That's the top criteria. Not what is impressive, not what is the norm, not what your mom expects, not anything dictated outside of you. What lifestyle would you choose if you weren't restricted to the one you currently have?
And finally, you can reach the top floor. Here is where you find all the Skills and all the Character Traits that can support the purpose and the lifestyle that you've chosen. What kind of person would you have to be to create that life for that purpose, with those values, with that lifestyle? Are you curious, patient, courageous, disciplined, playful, adventurous, determined? Maybe you want to be someone who can tolerate uncertainty without spiraling. Someone who can receive criticism without falling apart. Or maybe you need to become someone who knows when to close the laptop and stop working. Make a full list. Let yourself be ambitious. Let yourself be curious.
You can decide later what you will be willing to work towards. It's kind of like when you're at this amazing restaurant and you make in your head the list of everything that you'd be happy to order if you had unlimited appetite. You drop the idea of a dish in your head. You see how your body reacts and you're like, ooh, that looks good. That's what we're doing inside the Aid Worker Identity Store. And I really recommend that you spend time, at least an hour or two, just walking around in it.
And when you're done putting everything that's attractive to you in your cart or your list, the purpose, the values, the lifestyle, the skills, the character traits, I want you to stop for a minute and notice. How different is this new self-concept note from what you believe is your current identity and your current life? And then notice what happens when you take the time to examine this new draft, this new concept note for you. Do you feel excited? Do you feel a tad sad? Do you feel discouraged, overwhelmed, incredulous, cynical? Do you feel like you want to dismiss it all and go back to whatever you know and feel safe? Because all of this just sounds like a whole lot of work.
Whatever comes up, I invite you to allow those feelings to be there and just commit to discovering what you're discovering about yourself. I cannot insist enough on this. No part of this exercise means you ever have to pursue any of it. I would never, ever suggest that you should do everything that you want to do. You can't.We can't. But I think it is important to know.
And in the off chance that based on that discovery, you notice that there are definitely things you want to pursue, then give yourself permission to really want it. And ask yourself, how much effort, time and money am I willing to invest to walk out of this identity store with the version of me that I want? You can choose on purpose to define yourself based on what you're learning instead of based on what you don't know. And you can choose on purpose to move forward based on what you're fighting for instead of what you're fighting against.
It is essential when you work in a sector as high stakes as ours and where so much is outside of our control.
I also want to finish the series by reminding you of something that you already know, but it bears repeating: Getting to know yourself deeply and to decide intentionally what you want for your life is not selfish. The impact of this inner work goes far beyond our little individual self. There are a lot of people whose values we don't share and who are responsible for the crises that we are responding to, who profit and benefit directly from our insecurities, our self-doubt, our low self-esteem, our undefined identities, our confusion, our powerlessness, our overwhelm, and our inability to focus our attention and energy where they are actually needed. So choosing to tame your self-doubt, to find clarity, to discover what truly matters to you, activating your power to pursue it is incredibly selfless.
All right, my friend, that was it, the Rewrite Yourself concept note series. If you go through the process, let me know how it goes. I love hearing from you.
Thank you so much for listening.
Please share these episodes with any aid worker that you know may be struggling to know who they are anymore.
These are tough, tough times for anyone with a beating heart. But you are not alone. I'll talk to you soon.
Until then, please keep taking excellent care of yourself.